I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
