I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
