I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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