Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
