I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
