how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my shit smells like andre
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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