dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
