Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
