obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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