i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Terrible idea I love it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
