This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
