It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
