I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
