just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
