Non-Jews are for practice
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
