My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
