So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
