it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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