I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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