just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
