My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
