I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
