I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
