my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
