...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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