So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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