There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
