1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
