Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
How naked do you want me to be?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
