OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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