why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
