Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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