I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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