he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
