it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
