You can't motorboat a personality
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
