An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
