yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That's intense
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
