Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
