ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
