did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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