theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
