mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
