Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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