it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
