She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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