i jhust puked up my retainher.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
