You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
