We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
