If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
